Saturday, September 30, 2017

Book Progress

I have so far submitted my manuscript to eight publishers and have heard back from one (it was a rejection). I am hoping someone picks it up, if I can't find a publisher I will self-publish eventually, but some of these publishers take months to respond, so, for now, it's the waiting game.

Saturday, September 9, 2017

The Reason I Am So Open About My Condition

I was told that I shouldn't label myself as "schizophrenic" by a friend because all my bios online include that. The reason I do it though is that I feel I can help reduce stigma and give a face to something that still has a mystique (often a negative one) in pop-culture.

Though as I have mentioned there is also the fact that I can gain from this mystique. Gotta look out for myself you know?

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

University Of Calgary

I got accepted as an undergrad at the U of C majoring in Political Science, I hope I can get a degree out of it, maybe even a PhD. I am excited for September, I hope it won't be a fruitless endeavour, though learning new things in itself is valuable so it won't be wasted time even if I am not mentally competent enough to earn a degree or more.

It is a bit discouraging to be thirty-five going into studies for a bachelor, I wanted to have my bachelor in political science by my early or mid-twenties originally, but my disability and finances interfered. Still, it's nice to at least have hope that I can still have professional success in academia since politics means so much to me and I want to help make the world a better place for everyone to live in.

My Wedding

It was a nice ceremony, with a few friends and family. I got married on the 23rd of July 2017. So far it's been good, I hope it will be an enduring relationship, I feel like I can help in raise Asher and provide support to Tammy, eventhough I have a disability and am poor by Canadian standards.

I like marriage, I am agnostic, so I just think it's cool to show commitment to a relationship, I don't really get much into the spirituality of it.

Having Children

I have been lately been desiring to have my own children more and more, I know I have said in the past that I am against it, but I really want to be a father now. I can change my mind I feel. I have discussed it with my wife and we agreed that we don't have enough money to properly raise a child, so it's not happening for now. I am surprised at the urge that has been in my thoughts lately though, I am a bit of a slave to my animal instincts I suppose.

I have been enjoying being a stepfather, I like it when Asher comes to do stuff with me, though he is usually in his room on his console. It is a good feeling to help, being a single mom is difficult, and my mom was a single mom for many years and I am grateful. So I have started playing the lottery, so I can procreate if we win. You think one could kickstart this, name the child after the highest donor as a reward? I dunno, it's kinda weird, but I am not dismissing the thought entirely, also I kinda doubt it would work.

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Again With The VLOG, I Changed My Mind, The Last Entry Wasn't The Last

I have decided to start blogging again, I don't like the VLOG anymore, I am noticing that my delivery is very stiff and wooden, I haven't taken any acting lessons ok? I'll probably film a last episode concluding it, I find I prefer to write than perform, it wasn't so appealing to film after the novelty wore off, also I didn't go viral like I had hoped, lol.

What's new?

I am planning to get married on the 23rd of July. Here's to a new life! I quite enjoy my fiance's company, I think it will be a good partnership, I wish she didn't have to work so hard though, I feel kinda useless just "working" on my art and earning nothing, working in quotation marks because I earn nothing and it's not like any of my day jobs, because I enjoy my work.

I still haven't started my proposed photography project that I mentioned earlier, not sure when I will do that yet.

My manuscript is being edited and I am not yet sure how I am going to go about publishing it, details to follow.

I have been despairing that so many people aren't like-minded and there are so many, sorry to be insulting, "political primitives" roaming about getting the "Fly Weight Hitlers" elected. At least the French election didn't turn out disastrous like the American one, but still, another neo-liberal douche.

I am still waiting to hear back from the University of Calgary on whether I got accepted to start on getting a bachelor of arts with a major in political science in the fall, I am hoping I get accepted, I have wanted to get a degree in poli-sci since I was a teen, and I am still very passionate about politics and have enjoyed all my classes so far, I don't know if I would make such a good scientist though, I am a bit too emotional about my political beliefs, which isn't terribly scientific of me. I wonder again if I will make it, and maybe even get my PhD in poli-sci one day, I have my doubts my mind is capable of pulling that off though. It would be so cool to be a scientist though, it's one of my childhood ambitions, I got into art when I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and felt that I couldn't achieve my dreams, and obviously take advantage of the romanticism surrounding madmen, but I have come to love my art in the meantime and it is fun to do, but when I was a child my goal was never to become an artist I must admit.

I wish more people interacted with comments, I have tweeted some famous people with no luck, not surprising considering the volume, but still, it would make my day. I see all these thousands of comments and wish people would interact with me more, I made a friend on DeviantART though, he lives in Calgary too and likes my photography, so even if it isn't millions of fans, it is nice to be appreciated and have a new fan. I really wish I could have more discussions on this blog or on youtube, I am pouring out my heart and mind and kinda wish I had a fan community, I am so jealous of the pros. I am probably cursed to remain obsure, I have to learn to take pride in being an obscure artist I suppose, there is the advantage that I can just do passion projects and not just cater to the wallets of the masses. Maybe my academic ambitions will be fulfilled, but that is also not certain yet.

Friday, June 2, 2017

More VLOG info

I have decided to do the VLOG instead of this blog, so this may be my final entry here.

Saturday, April 29, 2017

VLOG continued

So I am quite enjoying filming the vlog, I switched to english in the second episode, if you haven't checked it out, please do so.

Up to four episodes already, but they are all under two minutes.

Thursday, April 20, 2017


Started a VLOG on youtube, don't know if I will stick with it, but it's a fun project. I am speaking in German in the first episode. Check it out

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Democratic Communism

Why isn't this a thing? An advanced communist ideology with the benefits of the respect of human rights, especially freedom of speech? Also communism as a reform movement, not a violent revolution.

I should start my own party and write a manifesto, but that sounds like a lot of work.

I think after the Stalinist disaster, Communism needs a new branch to distinguish itself, both from the soviet horror and the rest of the original post-Lenin mess. A new manifesto would have to include the coming revolution in automation, which Marx of course didn't predict.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Upcoming Changes To My DeviantART Page

I am currently chronologically ordering my journal project and enhancing the resolution on some images so they can be sold through the DeviantART store in larger sizes (yes,yes I know the image quality isn't high enough, but some people just want big prints even with image distortion, like me, and some of those photos were from my sony floppy Cybershot, so the resolution is laughable).

So there will be a short period where none of the content will be available since I will be resubmitting my photos.

In Case You Are Wondering Where My Fiction On This Blog Went

I archived the posts on the server, I will continue writing fiction. I have a collection of currently over 16000 words and am wanting to add to it and publish it as a book/ebook when I feel it is long enough.

Monday, April 17, 2017

Photography Project

I had an idea for a photography project I can do, I want to ask Calgarian spiritual leaders about their thoughts about their religion and schizophrenia and get a photo of them with their attached thoughts.

I should get some nicer clothes.

Saturday, March 25, 2017


When I was a child I referred to the government seen debating on TV as a "Kasperltheater" (from the German puppet theatre). I think this was telling that I was already somewhat paranoid as a child, thinking that the government was just a show to amuse the masses while the agents of the status quo kept running the instruments of state. Taking this further, I still often find myself thinking that contemporary forms of democracy are largely an opiate to make people feel better about their role in the world while the bourgeoisie keep on doing the same things they have been doing since they started their tenure as rulers of society.

I wonder if this recent resurgence of the right and more nationally centred platforms is just another way to make a certain element of society placated. My evidence is that the world has been largely doing the same thing, despite war, that it has been doing since civilization began, also Pharaos conned the masses into believing they were gods, which is evidence that people are not really that intelligent on average.

Hate me for calling you stupid! I am the worst politician ever!

Monday, March 6, 2017


If I become financially successful enough with any of my endeavours, I want to open a photography studio. I want to take portraits of people. I really like good portraits and I would, in fact, be willing to pay a pretty penny to have good ones taken of me and my new family. Now I remember that I said I would also open an arcade in Calgary, my current plan would be to fund someone else to manage the arcade then, I would be the money, not the brains.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

The Post State World

I think patriotism is even too strong an emotion for one's fatherland/motherland, it's so outdated. I mean can't we just be like a global sports league and have teams that we cheer for, why does it have to be so noble to be a patriot, I think it is more important to love one's fellow humans around the planet than just one group.

I don't think culturally whitewashing everything would be great either, I love ethnic diversity as long as it doesn't infringe on human rights.

But shaming someone for not being patriotic or taking patriotism lightly should end. Don't you love your family and friends more than some abstract concept of nation that just serves to manipulate people?

And how has multiculturalism failed exactly? The local multicultural food scene is vibrant. Give it a chance. It's not like multiculturism means changing one's own culture in favor of another, many cultures live in Calgary and I feel like this should be normal. Perhaps its failure lies in the recent resurgence of far-right parties I admit.

That's it! I am going to mind control the world! They can't get along? I will make them!

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Nazi Victory

You know, if the stupid fucking people of the world are gonna elect proto-fascist dickheads and "our nation first" morons and descend into another world war then the axis alliance of the second world war might as well have won!

That way there would be more German food in Calgary!

Besides by now, the nazis would have probably changed into something different, a ruthless society probably can't sustain itself that long. Or they would have blown up the whole planet in another war if their alliances fell apart.

Wait, there is lot's of Japanese food in Calgary! Lucky Japanese people, people like their food more than ours. The Japanese occupation of the local cuisine scene is welcome by this angry Kraut! Long live the Japanese-German alliance!

Some angry Israeli should reply to this post by saying "You can stick your Bratwurst!" Preferably the PM of Israel, I could use the publicity!