Saturday, March 17, 2018

Economics Rant (Run Away If You Don't Want To Hear Me Rant)

It's so stupid, why is price control stupid? I don't get it. You make sure inflation doesn't happen, which I admit I don't understand why we should put up with inflation in the first place. You make sure people can afford vital goods on their income. Why did the soviets have to be so god damned police state! They ruined good ideas for everyone. Economists are charlatans! They don't make sense, and their free market is dumb! Greed is dumb! Class is dumb! God dammit I am surrounded by idiots! "Oh but Alex where will the money come from?" That's so dumb a statement you have no idea! God dammit, I wish I were more intelligent, but sometimes I do wonder if I am surrounded by a bunch of god damned idiots, I should be terrified at how god damned stupid people are, stupid and aggressive too! Like zombies, I am living through a zombie apocalypse. Where are more of my comrades? And why are people so corruptible? I feel like I am being punished by not being party to the people who make the rules, the god damned stupid rules society appears to run on. Help! I am being run by a carrot on a stick like a god damned animal and it's insulting to my intelligence! I guess I am just garbage to you! Thank god I live in the time and place I do and have it relatively good, or this would be suicide inducing maddening! I feel sorry for all the victims of capitalist propaganda and it seems there are way too many. I am going to go dance on Stalin's grave! Is he even in a grave? I read the words inflation and national debt and I feel so insulted that I should think that it even means anything beyond that the world is run by either fools or bastards! And then I have to put up with friends blabbing their ignorance/foolishness to me as an authority! When I finally rule the world as is my right I will make it my crusade to enhance human intelligence so that people don't just nod to any garbage that is spewed to them from all directions by the mass media. And speaking of the billionaire class, that's so dumb! Who needs em? I don't see why one person should have that much power. Can't we as humanity be wise enough to get governments to decide on big projects without billionaires? I don't want to be dependent on the whims of some billionaire., besides doesn't that much wealth make you kinda alien, you no longer understand anyone on the ground and become aloof? I don't even want economics to work where money decides big projects. The singularity better come before I die, I want to see humans freed from all this nonsense, I know I am insulting about people being idiots, but what else can I call this? Like the trash robots can't come soon enough! Who wants to sort trash for a living? Who wants to clean toilets? The robots can do that! And it appears nobody wants to use their brain either! They should just leave the thinking to A.I. then! I mean, my favorite argument against having classes is making fun of it "Don't steal my ability to feel superior to my fellow human being." You filth! Nothing to make you feel better than everybody than having a Ferrari to rub in everyone's face! I admit I see the irony in pointing this out when I am calling people morons, as if I were smarter. But it's not like I feel superior because of it! What has my so called superior intelligence gotten me?!? Not very god damned much, thx for asking! Maybe it is smarter to keep your head down and go with the flow and work on your career like a responsible adult, but what if your leaders are turning into alien scum that hates you and makes fun of you for sport? That's kinda what it feels like, the elite making fun of the masses for sport. Because they can, and they are cruel. And I know you, the economist, will say I am foolish and stupid myself for having these insights, which you will dismiss as angry opinion. But that just goes back to the insulting sport of making fun of the masses and me for sport. Maybe some economists are somewhat intelligent and understand some things, but honestly I can laugh at the academy for pumping out highly "qualified" academics that are regurgitating information and have no top down view of human society, I admit I lack that too, but they just parrot it seems. In any case; more robots for crap jobs, no more free market controlling prices like magic, please put me in charge for hippie communist revolution, feel sorry for the zombies, and explain the variety of human nature and nurture to me so that I have a better reference point on why class exists in the first place. I mean the soviets went to far on the reward scale, make Tetris a global hit and get as much as everyone else, I understand why this is offensive to human nature, but does the creator of Tetris, as cool and as popular as the game is, really have to be turned into an alien billionaire with seventeen Ferraris to be properly rewarded for being awesome? (That isn't what happened, but read the context of the rant).

In conclusion, I wish my art made money, so I could buy more Austrian cuisine, Vietnamese coffee, and maybe go on a pilgrimage to Vienna every year. I think this kinda lifestyle should be available to all humans, I don't need to live in a mansion, I don't need a million dollar sports car. I understand the impulse to splurge I admit, there is a vehicle I am lusting after that is expensive, but with price control it could be made affordable I suppose. I dunno, as I have previously stated wealth limit should be a thing. I am grateful I live in the developed world, especially a part of the developed world where I hopefully won't be punished for speaking my mind.

All hail our robot liberators! They will make all our lives cushy if our leadership doesn't ruin it for everybody. I don't believe in suffering, sorry pioneer lifestyle worshippers, I think you are worshipping Darwinian animal laws.

Please send money to my PayPal so I can get more Vietnamese coffee and bring you more fine art that has an audience of about ten. My PayPal email is

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Marx And Co

You know, socialist debate can often be so stale, it's Marx this and Marx that. There needs to be new contemporary giants of socialism that advance the debate in public discourse. Considering technological advance it is necessary. Not to mention future technological advance. What is this, Sunday school for communists and socialists? Knowing the irony of the statement, I think Marx would disapprove. Red fanatics kinda rub me the wrong way too, fanaticism is generally awful.

Saturday, February 24, 2018


I have been thinking a lot about my dual nature, or to put it more rudely, my hypocrisy.

I want to be beyond such things as nations, but I like supporting my indigenous nations. I believe in animal rights, but I eat meat. I want peace, but I find militaries and weapons cool. I support feminism, but I like to consume sexy media.

It's a weakness of character I feel, I want to be more like what I preach.

At least I don't hold public office of any kind and am not famous, I am the one who cares about it the most at this point.

My mind is a battleground, and not just because of the schizophrenia.

I think the easiest thing to change would be to start eating cultured meat instead of traditional if and when it becomes available to the masses.

It's like having a shadow me and ideal me living under the same skin.

Monday, February 19, 2018

Holocene Calendar

It is the year 12018 HE (Human Era), you know, this should be adopted as the common year numbering system globally, it's so much more elegant and not everybody in the world is Christian.

Also Swatch Internet Time needs to happen, a global decimal time system with no time zones and no daylight saving time? Sign me up!

Elect me your planetary governor and I will make this happen, mostly for me, because I think these ideas are awesome. If enough people try to make me planetary governor I will expand the campaign to include eliminating poverty and other great things like that.

And for crying out loud, use the metric system people! Why? It's 12018!

Monday, February 5, 2018

I Have A Dream

I dreamed that one of my paranoias was true, but it was overblown and extravagant. The United States was actually all Mad Max on the east coast, but nobody outside knew due to the massive media cover-up. As far as everybody was concerned everything was fine, until I took a train trip to New York. There was human sacrifice and all sort of bloody ritual. It was a scary train trip as we descended into the fray. Once in New York everything became an alien thing, I was transported onto a space ship that took me into space and the alien rulers of earth revealed themselves to me, they had immortalized their elite which had become some sort of engineered super organisms, I was of course invited to join them.

Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Strange Mood

I am meditating, listening to calmradio's native channel in the dark. I am wanting to just let go of my ambitions and materialist pursuits and just meditate a lot (sleeping lots won't be a problem). It isn't the first time I have been wanting to change key aspects of my life. Knowing previous patterns I will be my average self again tomorrow.

It's a positive experience though, I like how I am letting go of my struggles in my mind, wanting just to be, instead of constantly striving.

I am also writing this so that I won't forget.

Monday, January 29, 2018

Otaku Culture

I considered myself a gaijin otaku for a while when I was a teen/young adult, but lately I haven't been doing much to maintain this. I haven't really liked most of the anime that is coming out sticking to the shows and movies I grew up with. A friend of mine commented that it's because I am getting old, but unlike anime, I like listening to new music, I got into dubstep for a while, so I beg to differ. I admit shows like "Love Hina" have lost their appeal as an old grumpy white man, but shows like Bebop and Champloo I still enjoy watching. I often wish there were more anime that appealed to people who like anime like this, at least American TV is making lots of good stuff for geeks/nerds that I still enjoy. I totally understand Miyazaki saying the anime industry sucks. I still play Mario Bros a lot, but that hardly makes me an Otaku right? :D

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Quoted From Catalyst

"...and to insist that any political theory worth its salt has to be able to connect to the quotidian struggles that extend beyond the economic realm."

Politics is so much more than just economics, but the mass media and economists make it seem like the only thing you should be paying attention to is the market, and their word has a lot of weight, even in the age of social media. For crying out loud, universities and colleges have to often now justify all their curriculum in what their economic relevance is, the academy should be a place of knowledge not petty materialist simplicity. I admit the article wasn't about this.

Link to full article.

Sunday, December 31, 2017


Been feeling lately that slavery is still quite common, it's just obfuscated, make em feel free. I am a slave in this system, never to taste the world of the master. Honestly, better to be amongst you other slaves, I don't want to be a rich douche. Though I do yearn for recognition and to be important often, I am not sure that would be best.

Something I Learned From "The New Yorker"

I mean, the magazine does babble a bit, but that's ok, who doesn't enjoy escape literature? But something that stuck in my head was something that was written about the Bernie Sanders campaign, that he changed the debate in politics, and that is still a major contribution even though he didn't end up getting the ticket and we wound up with a proto-fascist president of the United States.

I just hope it's enough to prevent a humanitarian disaster, the so-called alt-right has me frightened. As I've written before, the thing in Germany, the Hitler thing, happened so ridiculously quickly.

Friday, December 29, 2017


I dunno, I consider myself a communist of sorts, I believe in a post-capitalist society, but maybe I should just label myself as a progressive. I don't need all the negativity that is associated with the term communism. What do you think?

Inspiration From Those Around You

My biggest inspiration to become an artist and activist has been my father. I always loved his work as a musician and we would talk about politics when I was a teen, we still continue to talk about politics to this day. Photography was always present when I was growing up, one of my grandfathers and two of my uncles had fancy semi-pro cameras and would document family life. I got my first camera from my uncle Helmut and auntie Ilse when I was a teenager and I had great fun with it, it was still the film era so I had to be more picky about what I would photograph not being able to buy and develop film at will. I got my first digital from my stepdad, it was one of those floppy disk-based sonys, that's when I started shooting a lot, something I really love about digital. When I was a young adult I raided as many photo albums as I could from my family and scanned everything, it was so rewarding to have pictures from the past available on my computer, I wanted to provide some of that to myself and others. A pivotal moment in my hobby photography phase (professionally I wanted to be a lawyer/politican before I got diagnosed with schizophrenia) was when I got a chance to take a picture of the Emperor of Japan when he was visiting Vienna, he posed for the camera armed crowd and I got a shot that I am happy I got the chance to take, but it was a point and click digital with no zoom so later on I would bemoan that I couldn't get a close up with a better camera, but oh well, still quite the privelege. When flickr became available I started to want to go pro and started posting my shots I had been collecting privately until then. I really enjoyed photoshop, it was a good way at first to compensate for shots that were early and less refined and make them more interesting, I personally don't think high photomanipulation makes a photograph less of a photograph, just likes special effects don't make a movie less of a movie. And my picture of Akihito I have posted is severely photoshopped. My friend Christopher Munroe inspired me to pursue writing more seriously when I started reading his flash fiction he posted on his blog, I couldn't get enough, it was so easy to read and was often very amusing. I had been blogging thought-streams off on until then. I have never really taken much inspiration from the greats until I started recently taking online photography courses, and one of the instructors (Joel Sartore), a national geographic photographer, started talking about iconic and interesting shots, I obviously already had a concept of this since my most prized shot was of Emperor Akihito, but he really reinforced that professional concept of showing the people what they want, and now I am even more on the lookout for opportunities to take shots like that to buff my portfolio. I do have muses, and they have been the women I have been in relationships with, when I am in a relationship with a woman I am more creatively active and inspired to seek recognition. My mother and sister inspire me to take good care of myself and not be hard on myself.

All in all, I find living in an environment full of creative people has been a great experience.

Thursday, December 28, 2017

Quoted From Jacobin

"The effects of this on working-class consciousness and democratic capacities was chillingly captured by what a leader of a local trade union committee at the Volga Automobile plant expressed in 1990, just before the USSR collapsed: “Insofar as workers were backward and underdeveloped, this is because there has in fact been no real political education since 1924. The workers were made fools of by the party.” The words here need to be taken literally: the workers were not merely fooled, but made into fools; their democratic capacity was undermined. The Russian Revolution yielded not so much a “deformed workers’ state” in the authoritarian Communist regimes as a deformed working class. There is indeed a lesson here. If the revolution party, after a long and active process of class formation, proves incapable of effecting a state transformation that in fact yields a “maximization of democracy,” the effect of this will be class deformation."

Really liked this part of the article.

Here's a Link to the full article.

Saturday, December 2, 2017

Wonder Woman

Great flick! I loved the massive all woman scenes at the beginning, it's something that had to be done in film, it was new and welcome. Wonder Woman is perhaps a bit more naive than I would have liked, but it was charming. Ok, so I have stated in this blog that when it comes to world war I I think both sides were equally bad, so I go with my fatherland, this movie displays the Germans as evil just like nazis which was I found a bit offensive since all European powers were filthy colonial powers. In fact, I take it back, I was just being a bit patriotic because I am homesick, fuck both sides!

Blade Runner 2049

I also love the new Blade Runner 2049, I would find it hard to chose between the new one and old one, but if I had to I would pick the new one because it added the element of A.I. slavery. My favorite episode of Star Trek : The Next Generation is "The measure of a man", which deals with A.I. slavery. It has a different feel than the first one which keeps things fresh, though still familiar cyberpunk noir stuff, it still has new colours and emotions to invoke. The Atari logo scene made my nerdbrain orgasm, because, poor Atari.

It is not for everyone, but if you love cyberpunk noir, it is a must see. Also if you can handle dark toned movies that aren't meant to make you feel good and are thought provoking. Once again, best not watched alone in a dark room after midnight, you will probably get sad, make it a party.

As far as the sci-fi goes, it doesn't offer anything new, but as one of my friends says, you have to go to sci-fi literature for the cutting edge in sci-fi, the movies and TV lag behind. But as a movie it is the cutting edge.

Thursday, November 30, 2017


I ended up publishing my book on wattpad for exposure. Maybe something will come of it. Here's the link.

This is not a Masterpiece

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

A Bit About My Family

My wife Tammy is an educational assistant in Calgary and was born in Calgary as well. She is a full-time student too, she wants to get a job as a teacher after she finishes her education perhaps. She also tutors and works at a Leisure centre with children on the weekends during schooltime. Overall I think she works too hard, but she has to, or there wouldn't be enough money for the three of us.

My stepson Asher is in jr. high school and loves gaming, he also loves Star Wars and the youtubeverse. He was born in Calgary.

My mother Susanne is also an educational assistant in Calgary and was born in Vienna and grew up there and came to Canada when she was eighteen, I spent some time growing up with her as a single mom in Vienna after she separated again from my Dad, she sings in a local Austrian choir.

My father Karl is a professional musician, he plays Jazz, does vocals and violin. He was born in Calgary and has spent most of his life here, he has been hanging out in British Colombia for the last couple of years though. He was adopted, and all I know about his blood parents is that they were German.

My stepfather Andreas is currently manager at the Austrian club in Calgary and was born in Vienna. He did his service in the Austrian military as an MP as a young man, as they still have conscription in place there.

My little sister Nicole is currently a personal trainer, but she does illustrations, sketches, and paints. She was born in Calgary and grew up in Vienna as well as in Calgary and it's area. She holds dual citizenship for Austria and Canada unlike me, I only have Canadian citizenship.

My little half-brother Andrew from my mother's second marriage is in high-school right now and was born in Calgary.

All four of my grandparents have passed away, I was closest with my grandmother on my mother's side, I lived with her for nine months in 2002 before experiencing my first psychotic symptoms, after the first psychotic break in Vienna whilst living with her I came back to Canada and sought medical attention. I had planned to settle down in Vienna and had the appropriate visa and so on, but I suppose it wasn't meant to be.

My family tree on my mother's side all winds up in Germany by the 19th century and my uncles have been mapping the tree on Obviously, since my father is adopted I don't know anything about that side, but my grandparents on his side, the ones who adopted him, were European immigrants to Canada, grandma from Russia and grandpa from the Ukraine.

There is more to tell, but I think that's it for now.

Monday, October 30, 2017

I Wish I Were A Better Person

I've been feeling useless, I still sleep too much and don't help Tammy enough, I've been trying to change that, but I just feel like one more person she has to care for.

I wonder if she will leave me because I am just another lump of flesh lazy good for nothing man. I wish I were more energetic, caffeine doesn't really seem to give me any more energy. I hope I can maybe make some money with my book, that way I can contribute financially at least since things are usually financially tight around here, but that seems unlikely, I will remain a nobody artist. I do feel like I should try and get a job, but my wife doesn't think it's necessary. I feel it might help with my self-worth too, even though in the past I didn't really like the kinda minimum wage jobs I could get, though that might be different now since I won't just be paying my way for myself. I have been feeling suicidal some nights, I haven't told anyone yet, I confess it to you my blog for the first time.

I wish I didn't hate cleaning so much, I could clean up the place a bit. In fact, I am gonna go and empty the bathroom trash now.

Thursday, October 19, 2017

The American Holocaust

It's amazing how little time is spent doing anything about this. The natives should have their own nations back, and I'd prefer to live in a nation named properly after the native nations that existed here before us. I feel like a filthy murdering invader knowing that this population still suffers, I should fuck off to Europe.

If they would have me as a guest if we can save their heritage I would be happy, it's not easy fucking off to Europe being poor. But I was never consulted if it's ok to take up residence on stolen land, I just got born here and am stuck here. Maybe I can help, maybe I'm just a self-righteous know it all. But this is really disgusting, I live on a god damned graveyard you filthy murderers! I don't want to be human anymore, I am declaring myself an E.T.. That should be in my passport instead of eye colour, race: E.T..


My wife sent me a link to a cool course at the UBC about reconciliation.
I found this website amongst many

Star Trek Generations

I actually guiltily love this film, it's TNG on steroids, and unlike the other TNG films, it still retains the ship from the series and the uniforms. Why does that matter? Well, it only matters if you grew up on TNG, it was cool to have it on the big screen with that cinematic feel. And the Enterprise-D is ILM beautiful now. I even admit that I like Data's emotion chip freak-out scenes, it was such a magnificent performance. Can I recommend it to an average moviegoer? No. It is a fan pandering film, a certain kind of fan anyways. But as a TNG Trekkie, if you liked the feel of the series and didn't like the changes for the film that is understandable.

This is one of the reasons why I feel guilty about liking it, so many inside reasons that I like it, nothing really universal besides the eyecandy and great acting (again with the eyecandy!). Also, I have friends who think it's trash.

Blade Runner (Director's Cut)

I love love love this movie, but I can see how it is not a universally appealing movie, you have to like dark visuals over dialogue and action, it's a slow beautiful movie. But like my Dad says, it's not really a movie to watch alone in the dark, it will affect your mood negatively. You gotta make a party of it, also like every other film douche I think the theatrical cut is inferior, don't bother. The story is awesome sci-fi; Philip K Dick who is surprised? It isn't a future I would want to live in forever, but it would be awesome for a short amount of time just to admire and eat ramen in a neon cyberpunk street, this movie is pretty much the anti-star trek, the future as a garbage place to live with cool flying cars and arcologies and not enough sunlight.

Mind you Star Trek does dark now too due to Star Trek Discovery. Happy Picard Day Motherfuckers!

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Ghost in The Shell

I watched this movie several times already, so saying I hate it would be a lie, but after the awe of eye-candy (I love eycandy, and if you love cyberpunk eyecandy I think you would really enjoy this film) I did understand the criticism that it was a bit slow and boring. This movie is like heroin for me, I am always trying to experience the first high when I throw it on, but it never does the same after repeated viewings. Mind you the 90s anime film of the same name is one of my all time favourite films and I have watched well over a dozen times, and I hear that lots of fans of that film hated this one, so considering the original is also paced slow I can't bring myself to really go on about it, mind you I found the 90s film to be more interesting as science-fiction. I would have preferred an all Japanese cast too, but I don't feel that strongly about it that I let it ruin the film for me, but shame on the creators for doing that!

Watch it on a hallucinogen, it's like the Fantasia of cyberpunk.

Your Name

Even though the director wasn't happy with this movie I thought it was quite cute, but not quite as magical as Miyazaki's big names, but it still had a magical element which drew me in. It was also more of a romance, which I am not always in the mood for, but if you are feeling like watching a romance I recommend giving it a spin, I was in a romantic mood when I watched it luckily. The style was more like what pop anime of this era look like and I prefer the studio Ghibli look, but I don't feel too strongly about it. I am definitely looking forward to more films from Makoto Shinkai.

Saturday, September 30, 2017

Book Progress

I have so far submitted my manuscript to eight publishers and have heard back from one (it was a rejection). I am hoping someone picks it up, if I can't find a publisher I will self-publish eventually, but some of these publishers take months to respond, so, for now, it's the waiting game.

Saturday, September 9, 2017

The Reason I Am So Open About My Condition

I was told that I shouldn't label myself as "schizophrenic" by a friend because all my bios online include that. The reason I do it though is that I feel I can help reduce stigma and give a face to something that still has a mystique (often a negative one) in pop-culture.

Though as I have mentioned there is also the fact that I can gain from this mystique. Gotta look out for myself you know?

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

University Of Calgary

I got accepted as an undergrad at the U of C majoring in Political Science, I hope I can get a degree out of it, maybe even a PhD. I am excited for September, I hope it won't be a fruitless endeavour, though learning new things in itself is valuable so it won't be wasted time even if I am not mentally competent enough to earn a degree or more.

It is a bit discouraging to be thirty-five going into studies for a bachelor, I wanted to have my bachelor in political science by my early or mid-twenties originally, but my disability and finances interfered. Still, it's nice to at least have hope that I can still have professional success in academia since politics means so much to me and I want to help make the world a better place for everyone to live in.

My Wedding

It was a nice ceremony, with a few friends and family. I got married on the 23rd of July 2017. So far it's been good, I hope it will be an enduring relationship, I feel like I can help in raise Asher and provide support to Tammy, eventhough I have a disability and am poor by Canadian standards.

I like marriage, I am agnostic, so I just think it's cool to show commitment to a relationship, I don't really get much into the spirituality of it.

Having Children

I have been lately been desiring to have my own children more and more, I know I have said in the past that I am against it, but I really want to be a father now. I can change my mind I feel. I have discussed it with my wife and we agreed that we don't have enough money to properly raise a child, so it's not happening for now. I am surprised at the urge that has been in my thoughts lately though, I am a bit of a slave to my animal instincts I suppose.

I have been enjoying being a stepfather, I like it when Asher comes to do stuff with me, though he is usually in his room on his console. It is a good feeling to help, being a single mom is difficult, and my mom was a single mom for many years and I am grateful. So I have started playing the lottery, so I can procreate if we win. You think one could kickstart this, name the child after the highest donor as a reward? I dunno, it's kinda weird, but I am not dismissing the thought entirely, also I kinda doubt it would work.

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Again With The VLOG, I Changed My Mind, The Last Entry Wasn't The Last

I have decided to start blogging again, I don't like the VLOG anymore, I am noticing that my delivery is very stiff and wooden, I haven't taken any acting lessons ok? I'll probably film a last episode concluding it, I find I prefer to write than perform, it wasn't so appealing to film after the novelty wore off, also I didn't go viral like I had hoped, lol.

What's new?

I am planning to get married on the 23rd of July. Here's to a new life! I quite enjoy my fiance's company, I think it will be a good partnership, I wish she didn't have to work so hard though, I feel kinda useless just "working" on my art and earning nothing, working in quotation marks because I earn nothing and it's not like any of my day jobs, because I enjoy my work.

I still haven't started my proposed photography project that I mentioned earlier, not sure when I will do that yet.

My manuscript is being edited and I am not yet sure how I am going to go about publishing it, details to follow.

I have been despairing that so many people aren't like-minded and there are so many, sorry to be insulting, "political primitives" roaming about getting the "Fly Weight Hitlers" elected. At least the French election didn't turn out disastrous like the American one, but still, another neo-liberal douche.

I am still waiting to hear back from the University of Calgary on whether I got accepted to start on getting a bachelor of arts with a major in political science in the fall, I am hoping I get accepted, I have wanted to get a degree in poli-sci since I was a teen, and I am still very passionate about politics and have enjoyed all my classes so far, I don't know if I would make such a good scientist though, I am a bit too emotional about my political beliefs, which isn't terribly scientific of me. I wonder again if I will make it, and maybe even get my PhD in poli-sci one day, I have my doubts my mind is capable of pulling that off though. It would be so cool to be a scientist though, it's one of my childhood ambitions, I got into art when I was diagnosed with schizophrenia and felt that I couldn't achieve my dreams, and obviously take advantage of the romanticism surrounding madmen, but I have come to love my art in the meantime and it is fun to do, but when I was a child my goal was never to become an artist I must admit.

I wish more people interacted with comments, I have tweeted some famous people with no luck, not surprising considering the volume, but still, it would make my day. I see all these thousands of comments and wish people would interact with me more, I made a friend on DeviantART though, he lives in Calgary too and likes my photography, so even if it isn't millions of fans, it is nice to be appreciated and have a new fan. I really wish I could have more discussions on this blog or on youtube, I am pouring out my heart and mind and kinda wish I had a fan community, I am so jealous of the pros. I am probably cursed to remain obsure, I have to learn to take pride in being an obscure artist I suppose, there is the advantage that I can just do passion projects and not just cater to the wallets of the masses. Maybe my academic ambitions will be fulfilled, but that is also not certain yet.

Friday, June 2, 2017

More VLOG info

I have decided to do the VLOG instead of this blog, so this may be my final entry here.

Saturday, April 29, 2017

VLOG continued

So I am quite enjoying filming the vlog, I switched to english in the second episode, if you haven't checked it out, please do so.

Up to four episodes already, but they are all under two minutes.

Thursday, April 20, 2017


Started a VLOG on youtube, don't know if I will stick with it, but it's a fun project. I am speaking in German in the first episode. Check it out

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Democratic Communism

Why isn't this a thing? An advanced communist ideology with the benefits of the respect of human rights, especially freedom of speech? Also communism as a reform movement, not a violent revolution.

I should start my own party and write a manifesto, but that sounds like a lot of work.

I think after the Stalinist disaster, Communism needs a new branch to distinguish itself, both from the soviet horror and the rest of the original post-Lenin mess. A new manifesto would have to include the coming revolution in automation, which Marx of course didn't predict.

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Upcoming Changes To My DeviantART Page

I am currently chronologically ordering my journal project and enhancing the resolution on some images so they can be sold through the DeviantART store in larger sizes (yes,yes I know the image quality isn't high enough, but some people just want big prints even with image distortion, like me, and some of those photos were from my sony floppy Cybershot, so the resolution is laughable).

So there will be a short period where none of the content will be available since I will be resubmitting my photos.

In Case You Are Wondering Where My Fiction On This Blog Went

I archived the posts on the server, I will continue writing fiction. I have a collection of currently over 16000 words and am wanting to add to it and publish it as a book/ebook when I feel it is long enough.

Monday, April 17, 2017

Photography Project

I had an idea for a photography project I can do, I want to ask Calgarian spiritual leaders about their thoughts about their religion and schizophrenia and get a photo of them with their attached thoughts.

I should get some nicer clothes.

Saturday, March 25, 2017


When I was a child I referred to the government seen debating on TV as a "Kasperltheater" (from the German puppet theatre). I think this was telling that I was already somewhat paranoid as a child, thinking that the government was just a show to amuse the masses while the agents of the status quo kept running the instruments of state. Taking this further, I still often find myself thinking that contemporary forms of democracy are largely an opiate to make people feel better about their role in the world while the bourgeoisie keep on doing the same things they have been doing since they started their tenure as rulers of society.

I wonder if this recent resurgence of the right and more nationally centred platforms is just another way to make a certain element of society placated. My evidence is that the world has been largely doing the same thing, despite war, that it has been doing since civilization began, also Pharaos conned the masses into believing they were gods, which is evidence that people are not really that intelligent on average.

Hate me for calling you stupid! I am the worst politician ever!

Monday, March 6, 2017


If I become financially successful enough with any of my endeavours, I want to open a photography studio. I want to take portraits of people. I really like good portraits and I would, in fact, be willing to pay a pretty penny to have good ones taken of me and my new family. Now I remember that I said I would also open an arcade in Calgary, my current plan would be to fund someone else to manage the arcade then, I would be the money, not the brains.

Thursday, February 23, 2017

The Post State World

I think patriotism is even too strong an emotion for one's fatherland/motherland, it's so outdated. I mean can't we just be like a global sports league and have teams that we cheer for, why does it have to be so noble to be a patriot, I think it is more important to love one's fellow humans around the planet than just one group.

I don't think culturally whitewashing everything would be great either, I love ethnic diversity as long as it doesn't infringe on human rights.

But shaming someone for not being patriotic or taking patriotism lightly should end. Don't you love your family and friends more than some abstract concept of nation that just serves to manipulate people?

And how has multiculturalism failed exactly? The local multicultural food scene is vibrant. Give it a chance. It's not like multiculturism means changing one's own culture in favor of another, many cultures live in Calgary and I feel like this should be normal. Perhaps its failure lies in the recent resurgence of far-right parties I admit.

That's it! I am going to mind control the world! They can't get along? I will make them!

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Nazi Victory

You know, if the stupid fucking people of the world are gonna elect proto-fascist dickheads and "our nation first" morons and descend into another world war then the axis alliance of the second world war might as well have won!

That way there would be more German food in Calgary!

Besides by now, the nazis would have probably changed into something different, a ruthless society probably can't sustain itself that long. Or they would have blown up the whole planet in another war if their alliances fell apart.

Wait, there is lot's of Japanese food in Calgary! Lucky Japanese people, people like their food more than ours. The Japanese occupation of the local cuisine scene is welcome by this angry Kraut! Long live the Japanese-German alliance!

Some angry Israeli should reply to this post by saying "You can stick your Bratwurst!" Preferably the PM of Israel, I could use the publicity!

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Are People Really That Different?

It must be the case that humans are actually quite different to each other, what seems intuitive to me politically is obviously not what lots of people think.

I didn't grow up in a household that was socialist or anything like that, I am not emulating things from my childhood, what makes me such a convinced socialist? I mean I am not even exposed to that much socialist propaganda, I would like to think that I just thought it sounded right. Why are there so many people voting for regressive politicians? I wish I could experience being another human being so that I could truly know their thought process, I am curious how different they experience reality. Maybe it isn't as important to them, it's maybe just something that happens far away to them, so it just becomes a fashion statement? It's frustrating, why would anyone want to live in a racist, homophobic police state? Lots of people voted for Hitler obviously, you could say that it was out of desperation though, things were really bad when he got elected, nothing like now. Are there seriously people on the top who just want to mess with people? Must be. Who would want less security from the government? I don't get it. Is it really that important to be in a dog eat dog world that people would fight for it? It's sounds stupid to me I am sorry.

It is nice to have variety in many things, but I wouldn't mind if people thought more like me.

And where does all this hate come from? I understand punishing a criminal, or looking down on backward cultural practices. But just because you are of a different race? It's all so god damned stupid.

I supported Bernie and got Trump, lately I am more and more glad that I don't have to spend eternity here.

Friday, November 4, 2016

Update To People Who Read This Blog

I no longer live alone, I moved in with my fiance and her son. It's definitely less lonely and that is good, but her son sure is a handful.

I had a psychotic break in the summer and wound up in the mental ward again, it was a bummer. I am now on an increased dose, I hope that prevents this from happening again, I am really sick of it and thought it wouldn't happen again since it had been over three years. Though I must say on the increased dose I have even less symptoms, also now that I have classes on campus again and live with people my sleep is more regulated, which probably helps too.

One Of The Reasons Why My Blogs Keep Disappearing

I dunno, I have mentioned that I was all conflicted about my national identity and so on. Screw national identity, I want to be a human first. It's really just like a fashion choice, I have stated that I didn't think of "Garfield" for example as American when I was a child, it was just "Garfield", so it was learned behavior and a choice. Though cultural and regional distinctiveness is cool I don't think it should define us to any deep extent. We should be good humans first. Patriotism is also just a way to manipulate the masses, Marx was right.

I don't really like answering the question "Where are you from" anyways.

Also, you can't really be neighbors with a whole city or nation, you can be neighbors with your neighbors. It's not like I know every member of nation personally, I have my circle of friends and family and that is my nation.

Monday, October 31, 2016

My Mind

It's strange how the mind works, as mentioned I do believe there is more meaning to existence than is readily visible. I am not a bible thumper by any stretch of the imagination though, since I have had no holy visions and won't take another person's word for what religion or mythology have true stories. It was briefly comforting me since the fact that I do believe something beyond cold scientific process is going on in our reality might mean there is also more in store for me than just death.

The strange part of how the mind works is referring to how this metaphysical thought is easily transplanted by more mundane things, like checking facebook, or worrying about my status in society. I wish I were more focused on the important metaphysical thoughts than on the basic thoughts of day to day drudgery, after all, this life appears to be fairly straightforward, short, and perhaps meaningless compared to the endless possibilities of existence.

Sunday, October 16, 2016


I worry too much about my future I feel, I mean to worry about it all is obviously smart, but I worry all the time. I worry if I will ever have anything resembling a career, and honestly I don't really need one to get by, it would be good for my self-worth and all, but I have limitations that hinder me for fully realizing myself as an adult.

I need to be cool, realize that I have it pretty good and that anything that comes my way will be dealt with.

Also, I have more support now with Tammy, which is awesome, I didn't think guys like me get to have ladies, especially successful ladies.

Tuesday, October 4, 2016


The first U.S. VP debate was streamed live on twitter, please twitter do more of this, you should have sport events and more on twitter live, for a fee of course.

Oh yeah, the debate, it seems the basic defense for Trump's outbursts seems to be that he doesn't mean it and he isn't a seasoned politician. He still rubs me the wrong way.

Monday, October 3, 2016


I do worry that realists have it all figured out and I am just a naive idealist hoping that basic human nature doesn't always triumph in everything.

Darwin depresses me, I have to believe that people can be nice, maybe if the elite weren't so greedy people could be free to be nicer. Things like the welfare queen myth don't help, and propaganda from the late 19th century in America was basically the same, though with African American men doing the same kind of thing.

If you are a Realist, just note that the American Dream isn't helpful when getting virtuous citizens, I know I conflict in ideology a bit because I claim to be an Individualist and I don't think everyone's primary engine of motivation should be to make it to the top, since that isn't realistic or helpful for most people. I suffer from this as well, I fantasize about being important and successful of course, but I try to think of how being good makes life better. And as always, ethics before religion.


If Marx was right about Capitalism eventually crushing itself, maybe all this global trade liberalization can set the stage for a truly global revolution to happen much more smoothly. Since the global trade liberalization and removal of borders can even out cultural differences if it include a cultural component (it does). So the world will be culturally very Western (unless the rising economic powers in the other parts of the world start pumping out more monocultural components like Bollywood, Kung-Fu, and Anime). If only the "Clash of Civilizations" didn't appear to be a currently active ingredient of international relations, mind you ISIS will eventually go away I hope.

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Lo And Behold

I quite liked the movie, I especially liked the concept of thinking of humanity as a fluid, it makes sense considering how many existential threats we have to deal with.

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Voting For Trump Sends The Wrong Message

If Trump is elected President, it will just embolden the kind of people who like the kind of racist xenophobic filth that spews from his mouth.

Friday, September 9, 2016

The Coming Revolution In Automation

I think it's wise to plan ahead for the coming revolution in automation which will kill work; with basic income programs, so that the savings in labor costs don't create poverty.

Sunday, August 21, 2016

The Problem With Politics Online In It's Current State

There are just too many anarchist hackers! Imagine an election being hacked! That would be a disaster!

Also people still make too many snap judgements when dealing with online activity.

There Should Be A Superhero That Takes On All The Supervillains Ever Created

And it should be a tiny girl.

Friday, August 19, 2016

Political Participation

I think letter writing campaign and petitions accessible from the computer are a good way to keep individuals interested in politics. Online media also helps giving people an ability to feel like they matter no matter how small the situation. Accepting micro donations from the computer also helps people keep their interest since they can speak with their money, and feel like they are part of something greater than their individual lives. Blogs teach us that are thoughts matter even if they are just for private or inner circle activity.

The democratic deficit must be fought or economists will rule over political scientists and treat the population like an ant-hill.

I Agree With PC Gamer

The VR headsets need to be more convenient to get mass market appeal. These wires gotta go and they have to be lighter.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Things To Do Whilst Thinking

I like to think while I am doing certain things, one weird thing that helped me have a very intense thought process was watching multiple entertainment video streams at once, my mind was drawing independent conclusions while being stimulated, ironic considering video entertainment is often used to numb the higher thought process. It was related to the videos and yet related to my innermost thoughts at the same time, it's probably because the mind can't focus on any one stream and therefore plays around with itself. The choice of video is obviously important too, it should definitely not be porn! :D

Thinking in silence does work though, it's just lonely here.

Taking Advantage Of Human Aggression For Productiveness

I feel that all this aggression in media serves as a substitute motivator to get people working. #Illuminati

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Friday, July 29, 2016

More About My Fascination With Germanic Mythology

I love that there is a dialogue and sharing of power with gods. Not just a totalitarian regime.


Casey and me are working on a film script. It's about our conversations and our Friendship.

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Bumpy Ride

On my way to Mom's on public transit, still haven't caught the latest lrt model, oops just missed my station.

Friday, July 22, 2016

Being A Marvel Fan

I do believe that mixing up mythologies is wise and useful in the interests of religious harmony.

Germanic Mythology

I find it strange that the Catholic Church is possessive of me though I seek truth in the ancient Germanic Mythology. I would consider myself some who believes in the Germanic Gods before the Catholic God. And I am a peaceful person at heart.

So I renounce my Catholicism! Hopefully nothing bad will happen because of it, there are many Religious Zealots in Calgary it appears.

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Star Trek Beyond

If you love or like Star Trek I would highly recommend watching this latest film. The Starbase Yorktown is breathtaking! It had the high quality action that has become the trademark of the post ST:TMP films, but I didn't mind. It had a message of peace over aggression and war, which is in the finest tradition of Star Trek and Gene Roddenberry. It had a nod to the pre Kelvin Timeline Prime Timeline in the form of the young Spock receiving a picture of the original crew from one of the later original six movies!

Enough said!

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Monday, July 18, 2016


They just secured a deal to stream the new Star Trek series internationally.

Edit : Though not in the United States or Canada. :(

Cowboy Bebop

The 20th Century needs to rest in peace.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

End Of The Cold War?

The more and more I look at the news I realize that the Cold War isn't over, the opponents have just shrouded under new flags and Rhetoric.

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

X-Men Apocalypse

I think the message to protect the less powerful/powerless is very good. Even if you can see that you have extraordinary ability.

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Poverty As A Crime

I do hope we can grow beyond systems that treat people who are poor as having "deserved" it. There are so many examples of elites participating in criminal activity, so there is little room for saying that the elite was born better, though some elite crimes (like criminalizing the poor) are not punishable offenses (unless you are a militant revolutionary).

Of course if you are poor and miserable it is more likely that you will try drugs or shoplift, but that shouldn't be overpunished. In fact I do think that stealing bread is no crime.

Living Below The Current Canadian Poverty Line

The reasons I don't consider myself poor are that I don't have to worry about shelter, food, and I can speak my mind openly without fear of the government punishing me, well unless I have a psychotic break and start spouting nonsense.

I also have my own place (admittedly I rent, so I can get thrown out which stinks), and don't live in a shelter.

So Calgary is a pretty nice place for me to live with my problems.


I had a government student loan in Canada and it didn't cover all the costs associated with going to University. What gives? They expect you to do a full course load and have a job? The student loan debt is bad enough, it should at least work properly. Why can't everywhere be like Germany? No tuition, just need the grades.

Please don't get worse, if we are going to have to have class warfare it should at least reduce systems of being "high-born" into wealth and privilege giving access to education, what's so wrong with merit?

And while I am at it, isn't everyone valuable to the functioning of society, should we not all have comparable rewards? I don't think this overcompensation of the ruling elite is good (It's not even good for the elite, ever heard of the French revolution?). Down with class warfare.

Friday, June 24, 2016


All this political primitivism, the brexit is just a sign of this reawakening of national sovereignty movements winning against the progressive regional movements. It's a return to old ways of doing politics, eventhough the E.U. is flawed as it stands it is still better than this small-minded nonsense. It has decent seperation of power and voter participation, so the E.U. yet another victim of neo-liberalism and it's out of control banking sector. But these institutions aren't static, they can change.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

A German Epic

The unification of the German State in the late 19th century was a good thing. We get all these high production value movies about how awful we were in the NS period, why not make a movie to make us feel good about ourselves?

Maybe it's too early though.

Monday, June 20, 2016


I am sad, I think the fact that I am schizophrenic just harms any cause I take up if I get noticed by the masses. Maybe it's best if I stay in the margins.

Monday, May 30, 2016

Starship Troopers

As a hive mind I think we take orders sometimes from other species, we communicate with eachother. It's weird but I am an animal friend so I think it makes things more interesting. And since we are cooperating between species we might as well be diplomatic to improve relations and resource extraction.

Even if you think it's offensive to think like this it doesn't mean you are right.

I Have Dark Thoughts

As a response to Doom I want to invade hell with the fallen SS. It's how I fight demons.

I'd totally commission that video game.

The Novel I Was Working On

I turned it into a short story, I didn't want to drone on.

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Patriarchy Smashing Conspiracy Theories

I am worried that Power Feminists are killing off the Alpha males since they would naturally be the keepers of the Patriarchy or at least feminizing them. I think it would be dumb, it would make the women miserable. I know that women even love men who are jerks, and I am not saying that men should be like that, they should be educated and possibly sedated to be kinder.

As always, full equality is the goal. Traditionally feminine work (housemaking) should be paid and women should be equally paid in traditionally male careers.Women should be free to combine the two, but a good household does make fine children I think,


They are basically a militia, and they are so god damned inhospitable, they are so bad for business and I am so angry about it. If they love the Fatherland so much why are they hurting it?

Stupid brutes!

If they want to fight so much they should join the military and actually get a chance at doing something positive.

(Easy for me to say from all the way away in Canada)

I am happy that I don't have to deal with too many of them here.

Wars Over Resources

In the developed world we have enough now, these wars should be obsolete.

I am actually not sure this is true.

I Feel Like An Asshole For Feeling Like This

After I lost my fiancee I feel like I could loose anybody and it would barely register. I wish I didn't tick like that. I would still care, but I wouldn't be devastated.

Sorry If I Repeat Myself

I Do Take Money Seriously

If you don't respect it it's gone. Mind you I enjoyed being a child and having it spent for me. I kinda want a personal Banker to control my spending so I eat better, stupid cigarettes.

Positive Racism

The problem with it is that people will pre-judge people based on positive stereotypes. It's still always best to see the individual first.

Friday, May 27, 2016

Book I Was Reading

I have been reading "From Dawn to Decadence" by Jacques Barzun. I feel that it has a very astute observation that civilization goes through cycles where primitivism keeps on popping up. I think it needs to be fought, it serves no useful purpose.


I see how successful other people are in getting a decent living around me and do wish I was more healthy and lucky, I also worry that my German heritage is getting me excluded from groups but I am just not informed about it, so I have no proof, just suspicion.


I personally don't worry much about the health issues of cigarettes, probably because I am addicted out of my mind, but it is so ridiculously expensive. I am trying the patch and am having some success, the stronger meds are dangerous because they can interfere with my anti-psychotics.

To People Who Care About Me

I have stopped drinking regularly, it's become a thing I do as an occasion.

Impressive vs Useful

People seem to lean towards rewarding outstanding performance more than utility, it's not logical.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Artist Stars

I really think MJ made some great records, but hustling and getting enough money to build a private amusement park is ridiculous. It's the reason I am not too upset about big artists getting less money due to things like spotify.

Especially when workers who are vital to the functioning of society get screwed over by their leadership.

It's such an insulting system and it needs to be improved.


I don't really think anyone was better than anyone else in world war 1, there were just winners and losers.

So if it isn't about good vs. bad then I would choose the Kaiser, sue me.

It was a stupid game war though so honestly it's best to say they were all bad governments.

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Average Racism

I don't subscribe to racism as having much to say about who people really are, but nonetheless some of these racists seem to be so unscientific about racism and using their guts and hearsay to profile people and categorize them based on race.


I do lie about liking or disliking things to friends and family to smooth relations. I don't feel great about it and wonder if any of you folks are reading this and if you would be upset about it.

It was a bit more intense when I was little and I played the peer-pressure game.

It seems to me to be a feature of youth.


I really want to play a Germanic Deity in a Shadowrun campaign. Not a twink, no character sheets for Deities!

Maybe the Deity could be from an expanded Shadowrun specific Pantheon.

I have bought some rule/source books, I am so in love with the Shadowrun universe, I have bias due to my exposure to it at a young age.